原文：
Ice Cream acts a love-brige roll during my parents and me; it symbols something changes better. Today I was encouraged from my Mom about my hand-made business after inviting her to be a background-supporter. Then She asked me for using coupon and bringing all Royal Horn of High-life as much as possible with NT200 cash.
PM11:50, Father and I was breathing fresh night air within her wish unfailingly, and we enjoyed the sweet family roll together.
1. 扮演…的角色是用play…role, 像扮演一個重要的角色就用play an important role,不然就要用act as 扮演著,我想妳是要說在妳和父母之間扮演著一座愛的橋樑, 這裡love得改成形容詞loving, 所以可以寫成acts as a loving bridge,
2. 在妳和妳父母之間三者以上用among, during後面要接的是一段時間,像是暑假期間during the summer vacation, 所以這裡要用的是among my parents and me.
3. symbol一般當名詞用, 所以這裡妳要用symbolize (象徵著), 事情的轉變英文一般用become, 並且建議使用現在完成式(have/has+ p.p.)來強調 “事情已經變好並持續著” 所以這句可以寫成it symbolizes something has become better.
4. 第二句妳被媽媽鼓勵要用by my mom, 這句太長了, 雖然看得懂, 文法也大致沒問題, 但還是建議把它改得俐落一點, 當然, 必須符合妳的原意, 以下擇一,
(1) Today my mom encouraged me by supporting my hand-made business.
(2) Today I was encouraged by my mom for she is willing to support my hand-made business.
5. 接下來要買冰淇淋是吧?!ask+人+ to+ V. 叫某人做某事, 所以這句應寫成asked me to use coupons to buy Royal Horns as many as possible within 200 dollars from High Life (萊爾富對吧?).
6. 最後一句寫的好像在寫小說情境喔!!呵呵!!厲害!!那個roll應該指的是上面提到的角色吧→ role! 其實改成loving bridge更有感覺喔!! 還有這句妳用過去進行式開頭,結果後面and之後卻回到過去式, and是對等連接詞,所以要用相同的型態! 對我而言within her wish unfailingly有點多餘了,因為妳後面就說一起吃,就不需要這句, 還有fresh night air…晚上11:50當然是night air…這也多餘了,不過看的出妳很浪漫啦!!這句直接說That night, the three of us enjoyed the fresh air and the sweet family loving bridge together.
所以總整理如下:
Ice cream acts as a loving bridge among my parents and me. It symbolizes something has become better. Today I was encouraged by my mom for she is willing to support my hand-made business. Then she asked me to use coupons to buy Royal Horns as many as possible within 200 dollars from High Life. Finally, the three of us enjoyed the fresh air and the sweet family “loving bridge” together.
