中高級寫作修改-002

sihan­lu   

• Dear Anna:
  Long time no see from the last short pas­sage i post­ed on 11 March. Now, i accom­plish my first draft of essay, giv­ing a hard copy to my teacher yes­ter­day. A big relief of my pres­sure over the recent months comes from the moment i am writ­ing on my con­clu­sion remarks. Words fail to express
  my feel­ing, but myself know that. It is life char­ac­ter­is­tic of chal­lenges mak­ing peo­ple mature. Who is the peo­ple we shall salute to ? Moth­er, of course. Hap­py moth­er’s day.
• My face­book: hanst_lu
• Dear teacher can add my into ur friends’ list.Hanst

Hel­lo Hanst,
It is good to hear from you again^^
about the pas­sage above, there are some “time things” need to be cor­rect­ed and noticed.

1. 你的es­say已經完成所以ac­com­plish需要用過去式ac­com­plished

2. giv­ing不適合用在句中, 會感覺句子沒有完成, 所以第二句寫成這樣比較順: Now I accom­plished the first draft of my essay and gave a hard copy to my teacher yesterday.

3. 第三段你是說從幾個月來寫結論當中釋放嗎??一下子現在簡單式一下子進行式, 可是你在描述的是過去的事情…你可以這樣寫 It’s a big relief for me since I have been work­ing on the con­clu­sion for months.
接下來的兩句可寫成 Words fail to express my feel­ings, but I know it is life char­ac­ter which makes peo­ple become mature. 

4. 最後一句的ad­d是動詞, 後面要接代名詞受格,所以要把my改成me

我發現你喜歡用動名詞, 這樣的話要先研究一下動名詞的用法和它擺放的位置喔!! 句子的時態非常重要, 時態不對會引起誤會喔!!
大概是這樣, 希望有幫助^^